The Stereotypes of Lovemaking
by holmesfreak1412
Summary: Talks of sex and their respective partner's proficiency is a given in every girl's night out. They just did not expect that Ty Lee, who lives with another woman would best them all. TyZula. Also includes: Kataang, Maiko, Sukka and Toph.


Title: The Stereotypes of Lovemaking

Author: holmesfreak1412

Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Pairings (mentioned): Ty Lee & Azula, Mai & Zuko, Katara & Aang, Suki & Sokka, Toph & Haru

Genre: Humor, Romance

Rating: M for sexual innuendos.

Summary: In which the girls discover with varying degrees of surprise and horror that Ty Lee of all people has the best sex life.

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the ATLA franchise.

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 **The Stereotypes of Lovemaking**

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It is probably when Azula finally stood and headed for the bathroom—the gratifying few minutes of reprieve from mocking stares and sardonic remarks—that the five girls start talking about what matters most in every girl's night out: sex.

"I mean we all know about the stereotypes." Toph speaks like a revered authority of the subject, her unseeing gray eyes almost bearing the illusion of flashing. "Earthbenders have stamina. Waterbenders are flexible. Firebenders- passionate. Airbenders… well, there is only one left."

"You speak from experience?" Aghast gape from Suki. Giggles from Ty Lee.

"Well, yeah!" The condescension in the metalbender's tone is heavily implied. She wonders if she could roll her eyes. "How else would I know?"

"You fuck everything that moves?" Mai's detached tone hides her amusement.

"Well, seeing that married men are glued to their wives' hip, that is a pretty good way of putting it." Shameless grin. "Except for Twinkletoes. He moves around too much. How are monks in bed anyway? Weren't they supposed to be sworn virgins or something?"

"Celibates." Katara supplies, feeling her face redden. "Though if you are burdened with the responsibility to revive a race, one has to break—"

"So we have someone who tried an airbender, here!" Toph chortles. Triumphantly. Her smirk makes the poor waterbender flush harder, fidget on her drink. The whiskey makes her edgier than usual. "How is he anyway? In bed, I mean. Not that it is always done in bed but I digress. How do you classify him? Earthbenders—stamina. Fire—passion. Water—fluidity. What of airbenders? Speed?"

"Well, he is…" Katara hesitates, trying to ward off the expectant stares from the four women she is forced to associate with as the men took care of business. The palace sitting room becomes suffocating. She is glad that Azula is nowhere in earshot. She could live without the Princess knowing about her sex life, thank you very much. "… breathtaking."

Collective sounds of groaning.

"That's cheesy." Mai sounds disgusted. Her wince crumples her usually frozen face.

"I think it is sweet." Ty Lee at least, is kind enough to pretend earnestness. Googly eyes. Batting eyelashes.

Toph is more curious. Frown. She prompts. "We have no time for clichés here, Sugar Queen. Details. We need details."

Katara is indignant. She puts her hand on the table. Slam. Forceful. "That could be taken literally too!" Her voice lowers into a conspiratorial whisper. She feels her lips curve into a proud smile. "I mean, you know about the air in our lungs and all. Aang has learned to manipulate it during our… er…" But she cannot even say the word.

No one wants to say it for her.

"Does it bring you closer to orgasm?" Suki sounds embarrassed by her own assertiveness.

Katara blushes.

"Ooooh…" chorus the five girls, awestruck.

Red-faced, Katara tries to obliterate the mental image of Aang pumping more air to make her pant harder from her friends. Mai still seems repulsed by the idea. "I mean, airbending could be used in other ways too. Like the atmosphere. The atmosphere!"

"Oh… like conditioning the air to make it more romantic?" Ty Lee sounds more interested than usual. If her squeal is of any indication.

Katara blushes harder.

Nods.

The girls except Mai join Ty Lee in her girly shrieks.

"Well, Zuko is the same way." All heads then turn to the future Fire Lady, recently back from The Cool Off. Two years of abstinence. Everyone is of course wondering, how Zuko makes up for it. Katara sighs in relief, finally out of the spotlight. "He seems to think that a warmer bed is arousing."

"Oh. Just like that guard from the anniversary party." The attention is back on Toph this time. Open-mouthed stares. The blind earthbender easily senses it. "What?" Palms raised.

Everyone ignores it. They have long since gotten over the Beifong's surprising promiscuity.

"So are firebenders… um…" Suki bites her lip. Eyes dart into every direction. Her cheeks redden. "… really passionate?"

"If you can call scented candles in every session passionate." Mai drawls. Listless. Bored. But there is a mischievous spark in her eye. She imagines how the candlelights blare brighter everytime she drives the Fire Lord to his undoing. She smirks. Inwardly. "He likes to talk about his mother every chance he gets though."

The sounds of retching is not an exaggeration. Mai almost… _almost…_ chuckles.

"That's a…" Katara trails off. She cannot believe she once thought that the guy was attractive. The Ember Island Players got their scripts right that time. But she loves, really loves Aang. "… weird fetish."

"Tell me about it." Careless shrug. Nothing seems to affect the knife-thrower anymore. Even as her fiancé is blatantly being criticized for proving a charlatan's claim of a son ending up loving his mother. Some complex. The royal family is one merry band of psychobabble. "At least he is composed enough not to cry out the wrong name."

More puking sounds.

"Speaking of fetishes…" Suki volunteers, now getting the hang of the conversation. Her smile is confident. She almost looks excited. It is her turn. "I think sometimes Sokka pretends I am some kind of meat."

"Oh, he ravishes you?" Toph's sudden enthusiasm almost seems inappropriate. Well, who can blame her? Everyone knows that she always had this unrequited thing with the Water Tribesman.

Suki is used enough to it. "Well, he bites a lot." Katara coughs. She does not stop. "And he makes this weird sounds and howls that is oddly arousing. You know how Azula always refers to him…?"

"Peasant?" Ty Lee offers.

"No, the other one."

"Barbarian." Mai cuts in as Ty Lee struggles to recall.

"Right." Suki nods. She crosses her arms. "Well, our Princess is right for once. Because you know how they say cavemen did nothing but get laid all day…"

The Kyoushi Warrior does not need to elaborate for the thought to click. "Oh."

"Well, whenever he's with me anyway…" Suki concludes, sounding proud of herself and her sex life. "He is not a waterbender but he does not need to bend a lot anyway. But he certainly has stamina."

Katara's coughing finally stops. She is not sure whether she can see her brother the same way ever again.

"Haru is the same." For the umpteenth time of the day, everyone stares at the easy-going earthbender. Once again, she senses the heavy, judgemental regard. Palms raised once more. "What?"

"We did not know that you two are dating." Katara voices, cocking one brow up. "No secrets, Toph!"

"Wait. Who said we are dating? I like variety. Haru is so last week!"

Everyone rolls their eyes. Toph can't see. No one tells her.

The earthbending master continues. "Well anyway, Haru is like most Earthbenders. He likes fucking on the floor which I do not mind one bit because that means I can feel everything better."

Cringe.

"And he's big and strong and everything an Earthbender should be."

In futility, they try to think that the statement is not intended to be as lewd as it really is.

"And he is always hard. Like always!"

Everyone coughs.

"Well, why don't you settle down with him?" Suki suggests, once she got over from her hysterical fit. Toph's face is bright, her grin too wide. She flinches. "I mean, Haru is a nice guy and…"

"Well, I did say I like single men. Married men is just blaaaah." Toph quips, laughing loudly. Flinches. Even Ty Lee's smile is phony. "Even if said married man is tied down to me."

Awkward silence.

Ty Lee breaks it. "Well, I guess you are not the only one." Her voice is soft. She is smiling at Toph. This one is more genuine. "Azula does not want to get married too and she likes variety as well." Red face that puts Katara's into shame. But well, fire nationals are the blushy ones.

Everyone turns to the acrobat with varying degrees of surprise.

Katara is the first to get over it. "Wait, aren't the two of you… together? Like together?"

"I mean, none of you admitted it." Suki adds, leaning closer. "But it is pretty obvious and we did not ask."

"And you always had a crush on her." Mai is helpfully grilling the now embarrassed Ty Lee who seems to be uneasily looking over her shoulder every passing second. "Don't ask me why. But I was under the impression that even though you tend to have ten boyfriends at the same time, your heart would only be big enough for Azula. Or some icky thing like that."

"And I heard you two having sex!" Toph, again. Dirty looks. "What?"

"Oh. I didn't mean that Azula does it with some other people." Ty Lee is defensive, almost upset by the assumptions. The frown looks out of place. "That's just ew."

"You said she likes variety." Suki looks pointedly at Toph.

"Well, yeah."

"And she does not want to get married." Katara frowns. "Can two girls even get married?"

"Fire Nation is a little bit more open-minded than the rest of the world so yes." Mai informs them. "Being passionate people and all."

"So Fireflakes and infidelity in one sentence?" Toph is excited. "Or do you mean you guys do threesomes?"

"No… no!" The acrobat is now visibly shaken, waving her hands up frantically. "Azula is mine! Only mine."

"So what in the world do you mean by variety?" Mai is losing patience with her bumbling best friend. Even after a year of their not-so-secret relationship, Azula's speaking skills still has not rubbed off to the acrobat. Maybe vocabulary really is inborn.

"Oh. I just mean that Azula likes to be creative. You know, in bed." She sighs dreamily. "It's always different everyday. Sometimes, it's not even in bed."

Stunned silence.

"You have sex everyday?" Ty Lee is not sure who said that, in the cacophony of hurried, awkward questions. She probably would prefer not to be identified anyway.

"Well, you know how Azula is in house arrest and all. We have nothing better to do during the whole day."

Even Toph has no words.

Wow.

"So how creative does our Princess Azula get?" Suki cannot believe how curious she is. Because well, it is a fourteen-year old Azula who disguised herself in their clothes, infiltrated Ba Sing Se, subjugated the Dai Li and proceeded in the most bloodless coup in the history of mankind. Not to mention singlehandedly thwarted the largest-scale invasion in the Hundred Years War. If she is not on the losing side, Azula would have been admired for her genius.

What could a nineteen-year old Azula who has nothing better to do, can well, do?

"Well, we do roleplays." Ty Lee revels on the riveted attention, ever the hyperactive knucklehead. Spotlights has always been a circus freak thing. "Did you know that she still kept the Earth Kingdom disguise? She looks hot in it. We were the Kyoushi Warriors the other night."

Suki looks horrified.

"And we were Tui and La last week. The circular motion? Lesbian sex requires consistency."

Katara dry heaves.

"And we do the scented candles from time to time too." Ty Lee's eyes are sparkling now, lips curled like a lovesick puppy. "But Azula does it better. I mean, fire is good and all. The warmth is addicting. And she has the passion. But Azula has lightning."

Mai almost seemed ready to leave. It seems she got the lesser sibling once again.

"The experience was electrifying!" Ty Lee has been saving that.

By this time, Toph is the only one who can still ask questions. "Well… what else?" Azula is still single. Technically. Perhaps she can add a female firebender to her collection. She wonders if Azula really has silver wings and pink horns. And if she is four hundred feet tall.

"Azula's tongue too. I mean we all know how the Dai Li fell in love with her with her words. You'll fall in love more when it's inside your—"

"Ugh!" Again, Ty Lee is not sure who said that. But she does not care so she happily proceeds.

"I also taught her chi-blocking at her insistence. You know how I jabbed her twice and Azula has trust issues. Well, she does not want to take chances anymore."

"Oh?" Toph perks up. "And…?"

"Well, just last night she blocked every single one of my tenketsus save for where it matters." Grin. Ty Lee openly daydreams of this one, realizing that she wants to try it once more. "And well, though I cannot feel my legs and my arms, I feel everything in my-"

"No, Ty Lee. We do not need to hear that!" Mai covers the babbling mouth.

But the acrobat effortlessly slinks away. "It is really wonderful! I know about the stereo… stereo… What is it again, Mai?"

"Stereotypes."

"Right." She does not even try to repeat after her friend. That is a tongue twister! "Well, there's stamina, passion, speed and flexibility. Let me tell you one thing: Azula has everything."

Uneasy glances.

"Azula is like the Avatar of Lovemaking!" she finishes with a melodramatic schoolgirl sigh.

This time, nobody bothered to hide their fits of incessant coughing. Whether it came from repulsion, just mere unease or the fact that Ty Lee who happens to live with another woman is the one who gets all the action that they are denied of is undefined.

Only Toph whose face is still contorted into a conniving grin maintains her resolve. "Well, if you need a third party, sometime…"

"No thanks." Though the tone is dismissive, Ty Lee's smile is pleasant. "Even though Azula does not want to sacrifice her dignity by standing on her best behavior before the Fire Sages, I'd prefer to keep her all to myself." Squeal.

Toph groans sulkily.

"We probably could roleplay to be newlyweds though." That is an idea. "Just last week too, she was Fire Lord Ozai and I was—"

Everybody turns the sickliest shade of green.

Azula emerges from the restroom.

Is it just them or that Azula looks even more impressively impeccable than ever?

"Oh, 'Zula. Is it time to go home?" Ty Lee exclaims suddenly, springing up from her seat.

Azula raises her eyebrow in clear confusion, perfect features scrunched into askance. "I thought you want me to socialize."

Ty Lee grins, takes her hand. "Oh… I think I want you more to myself."

The girls except Toph try in vain not to gag. Azula, ever the shrewd people person, notices.

She smirks. "Oh."

The mischief in the Princess's eyes is almost the undoing of Ty Lee. Her knees buckle. "Oh come on…" She pulls the Princess towards the door and oddly enough, Azula lets herself be dragged. "Let's go back to bed Azula!"

The door slams close.

Fading ecstatic giggles from Ty Lee.

The most awkward silence.

Toph is the first one to speak. "Do you think they would let me join them?" Looks of absolute horror. "What?"

"I think…" Suki starts, hesitant. "I should start teaching Sokka the art of chi-blocking."

"Could Zuko learn lightning too?"

"Perhaps, I could convince Aang that there are other positions besides the missionary one." Looks. Katara does not want to identify them. "What?"

"I'll probably just seduce Azula." Toph adds, blissfully unaware of how impossible that endeavor could be.

Meanwhile, Ty Lee lays paralyzed on their bed. Azula hovers wickedly over her.

This time, she is cosplaying the previous female Fire Nation Avatar, at Ty Lee's request.

Back in the palace sitting room, the girls remain in contemplative quietude.

It is then that the girls realize that Ty Lee, of all people who lives with possibly the most dangerous war criminal alive (who is by the way, a girl), has the best sex life to speak of.

Who knows? An optimistic thought. Maybe Toph could find someone who likes variety as much as she does.

But as she said, she will probably just seduce Azula.

 **(END)**

 **My ten-year old brother for some reason made it a study to classify various anime characters into their respective skills. Being another Avatard, he told me that while Aang has agility, Zuko has strength and Sokka has intelligence, Azula has all three. Do not ask me how that led to this plot bunny. Or why he included Azula as one of the boys. The TyZula virus brings me to the strangest of places. Typing this impromptu on my phone has been such an exhilarating experience.**

 **Heck, I even have ideas for a sequel where Azula becomes one of the boys too (thanks, bro!) as they discuss their sex lives. Tribute to how the most popular Azula pairing is a femmelash. I just think that is amazing and a bit funny.**

 **I hope Toph finds someone but she probably didn't. Azula is one of a kind and she's Ty Lee's. She probably would rather chi-block her for the third time than share her with anyone else. Do you think I should write a sequel? Tell me what you think!**


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